I can't do it Alone

It was quite a day for me...Results coming out today, and I was so eager to expect that I can do better this time, but apparently it doesn't work out most of the time...
I was in cyber cafe today, just to check out on my result, while my friends having lunch nearby...One of them came in, and the screen was still on the loading page...African drum type heart beating was so strong, and it was haunting me like old times, but it was different this time...
I finally log in, and it was still loading...I stare at my friend, and she told me it was already out...
I stone a while, I drop my bag on the floor, and I just can't took my eyes out of it...
I was so sad at that particular moment, and I was so angry at myself...Scholarship might be gone, and my CGPA drop like hell, I was so sad, I can't stop cursing, I am so sorry for her at that time, listening to me cursing...
I almost cry out loud...I just can't believe my CGPA dropped...
I can't just pretend nothing happened at all...IT DROPPED !!!!!
My friend / classmate, sitting beside me...Telling her how it was, not just about scholarship, but also how I feel, spitting out the usual things that I use to (I can do it, I know who I am and blah blah blah)...She knows how I feel, and I had so high expectations on myself, but, the results was so disappointing...Not just merely my confidences and all these, but myself inside me...Am I living for all these ???
I know I am slightly a bit different, but, that went out became a strong ego and pride inside me, telling me that you were not who you are...It was haunting me for so many times, trying hard to go through that barrier inside me, and break through so hard...Ego is controlling, pride was taking over...I KNEW IT !!!
I just can't go through that cliff, by my own...I am not strong enough mentally...
I fell down to the cliff of ego and pride...Strong from the outside, but rotten from the inside...
It was taking over and over again...I need to be firm, in fact I am trying to hard not to bother...
Yesterday night, reading her blog again (Don't Bother), preparing mentally just to make sure I didn't break down, and it went through really without bother about it...
Easier to say than done, letting it go really takes time...I can't keep sulking for the whole semester because of this, I know, and this can't be contagious...But, the whole day, I think I'm gonna mentally breakdown, especially now in the sea of ego and pride (it already happened)...
I am not strong enough, and I truly was never ever (mentally strong)...At least there's a consultation prize ( 1 A-), but still, I am not strong enough to cover it up, but, it won't happen tomorrow, but today, it might be a sleepless night...
I will try my best to get out from it, but, I can't do this alone...